Sunday, May 17, 2009

Even When the Rain Falls

Even when the rain falls,
Even when the flood starts rising,
Even when the storm comes...

I am washed by the water...or so the song goes. I really love that song. It's not really about a literal rain storm or flood, but for me the figurative flood is not so much a metaphor as just a whole lot of water. In my house. From rain.

It made my house (and my couch, my oven, my cabinets, etc.)really dirty, moldy, and gross. It made my kids sick with unending coughs and sneezes. It brought earthworms and mosquitos into my dining room.

There is a dumpster in my driveway, a refrigerator in my office, nothing whatsoever in my kitchen - not even the sink - and (oh yes!) a colony of carpenter bees making a new home in my garage.

The downstairs half of my house is stripped to its foundation - nothing remains but brick and studs. The whole house smells like a mixture of muggy outdoor air and the chemical treatment that is keeping the house's framing from growing mold.

So while washed may not be the exact right word to describe what is happening, I think cleansed definitely applies. It's not just my house. Watching the demolition crews tear out the beautiful new trimming from our walls and dumping precious thing after precious, now moldy thing into the trash has had a way of stripping me down to my foundation, too.

Somehow, I feel like I needed to be laid bare- to be cleansed that deep - to be reminded that my foundation is not my house or my stuff. The core of me is not this depression and anxiety that have been so huge in my life lately. It's not the nice, controlled daily routine that my kids and I have come to follow each day that requires, among other things now missing, a kitchen sink and table.

Take it away. I want to be the part of me that is flexible enough to deal with change. I want the part that is strong enough to move furniture - or mountains. I want the part that isn't tied up in couches and crown moulding our the daily routine. I want the me that is really alive.


Kristine said...

Ack! That really really sucks. Please let me know if there's anything I can do for you guys.

Mom's Just Wana Have Fun said...

Oh No! Somehow I had no idea this was still going did I miss that? Do you need anything? I don't know what, but if you do just ask. I love to help any way I can. SERIOUSLY.

How is everyone doing in the health department? I don't know if you would be interested, but I have some information on essentil oils to help with colds, coughs, astamah, anti-viral...oh and stress. Let me know if you want to look at that, but don't worry if you don't. I just want to help if I can.