I’ll be the first to admit, you and I got off to a bit of a rough start.
Love at first sight? Yes.
Instant bonding? No.
There were the chemical-hormonal affects of not being able to hold you when you were born and the emotional affects of having to leave you alone in a plastic box in the NICU six to eight times a day for your first eleven days. I had to put up some walls to deal with that, and I’m sorry for what they took away from our relationship in that first month.
But now, my sweet baby, I know you and you know me.
I have learned that you like to be bundled up and warm,
and toys that vibrate make you cry.
I’ve learned that you have really big feet, but tickling them is only amusing to me. As far as I can tell, your favorite activity is putting my nose, chin, cheeks, or pretty much any part of my face in your mouth. Do you know that I love it, too?
You also love your sister. Your eyes light up when you see her, and she delights in your chuckles like they are little precious gems.
I’ve learned that when you crank your arm around like a ribbon dancer, you’re not trying to make me laugh – you just need to burp.
I’ve learned that you make all kinds of squeaks and grunts in your sleep, but when you are about to wake up, you get quiet and still and pop your eyes open to look around before you let us know about it.
I’ve learned that you have a little spot near your temple that feels like velvet. It is warm under my kisses in a way that makes me think of chocolate chip cookies out of the oven just long enough to eat, when the chips are still all melty. Its smell is all baby – milk, powder, and new skin. You close your eyes a little tighter when I touch you there and then get a soft little grin.
Precious son – I love you so much. I can barely wait to see the new little bits of you that are emerging every day.